To Light Up
by Elf On Fire
Summary: [FIRST EVER VIKTORxCEDRIC] The mourning process isn't as easy as one might think. Cho got over it; Viktor never did. [One-Shot]


**To Light Up** by Elf On Fire

_ViktorXCedric_

_The sun avidly swallows_

_Two wings of silver_

_My dear friend will never make it_

_Back to this city again_

Whoever said "it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" must have never lost anyone. You realize how much you love someone only seconds after you realize you will never see them again. And they say when someone you love dies, they will always be with you. But they won't really, I will never see, or feel, or hear Cedric again. He won't be with me in this life any more, or maybe he never was.

I came here to win another medal, to prove myself once more as a star, not to hear about Hogwarts own star (aside from, of course, Harry Potter). His name was Cedric Diggory. And I certainly didn't plan to fall in love with him. Ah, Cedric Diggory. Brave, loyal, kind, handsome, a classic hero, and me, Viktor Krum, brooding, dark, and according to some, brilliant.

_And all the fires of tired streets_

_Will soon miss you_

_But they'll never be able to calm_

_Such sadness in your heart_

The funeral was the night I finally broke down. Cho was sobbing and being comforted by what seemed like half of Hogwarts. I was standing alone a little off to the side of the rest of Durmstrang. I don't want to be mean to Cho, she was close to Cedric as well, but in the past couple weeks I could see it was Harry Potter she had her eyes on. Cho may have been in Cedric's arms at every dance, but I was the one in his bed.

It rained and rained, as though the world cried for the death of a hero along with everyone else. When I reached up to put on my hood I found my cheeks were wet, but from rain or tears I couldn't tell. I sighed and looked away from the throngs of tear stained faces and out across the lake. Reflected stars winked across the water and thought I saw your face in the murky depths. But all I saw were swirling, winking, blurring stars. I could feel hot tears streaming down my face and I thanked the darkness as I hid my face in my robes.

_And lighting up the drunken stars_

_No, it will be so complicated without you_

There were times I wished it wasn't Cedric that took my heart, I suppose because I always knew we wouldn't be together for long. He had the sculpted body of an athlete, and a face like a muggle movie star. He was passionate and thoughtful at the same time. I asked him once how he managed to be so brave, where he got his courage.

"I'm not brave," he told me, "I get just as scared as anyone else. Courage is being scared and doing it anyway" he said. He kissed me then, hard and sweet and strong. "Like that," he whispered, "that was the hardest thing I think I've ever done." And he walked away, while I raced towards the toilets.

_So easily your eyelashes float_

_Your hero won't find out_

_If anything happens to you_

_Overseas_

They talk of Cedric like he's on vacation, just taking a quick holiday to heaven. But I can't follow him in this life, and maybe not in the next one. I know that I could get on my broom and fly forever and never find him. There is no Portkey marked "afterlife".

We both knew it couldn't last. He would hold me like it was the last time, and when he kissed me I could feel so much. There was love, lust, passion, wanting, and we would press together and move like there was no tomorrow. Oh, what I would give for one last night.

_A different sky is with him now_

_Clouds overhead_

_And the angel follows_

_Stranger and unknown_

I came into the ship late, and walked into Karkaroff's office, I suppose I was ready to tell him about Cedric. Maybe because I would go crazy if I didn't tell someone soon. He was snoring next to a half empty bottle of vodka, and I realized I was crazy to think I could trust him. Way to set an example, "headmaster." I grabbed the bottle, and started to walk back to my room. _What the hell_, I figured; it would be a long night. I went back and got another full bottle and pack of cigarettes.

I managed to stumble to the top deck of the ship. I was only wearing a tank top and jeans, though I had a coat tied around my waist. My eyes stung from tears and smoke. The cold wind bit through my skin, but I made no move to reach for my coat. I stared up at the sky for some sign that Cedric was up there, but there was nothing. The stars spun and went black as I fell towards the deck of the boat.

_And lighting up the drunken stars_

_No, it will be so complicated without you_

I woke up freezing and groped for my coat. My head pounded and I stumbled downstairs. Boy, what a hangover. I passed Igor Karkaroff heading to my room; he didn't look too good either. He didn't smile. Igor hasn't been happy since I lost to Harry Potter. I slowly realized we were going back to Durmstrang in only a couple days. The rocking of the boat made me even more lightheaded.

_Perfidious separation_

_Like a sister was embracing all_

_Turning her hands_

_Into two wings of silver_

I skipped breakfast and stayed in my room with my head in my hands. Memories of Cedric flooded my mind, and with them came the tears. I didn't stop my self this time, I threw my head back and let myself cry. Cedric winking at me in the halls, Cedric's hands on my hips, Cedric pulling off his shirt, Cedric holding out a red rose on Valentines Day. Cedric, Cedric, Cedric…

_The rain whispered in vain_

_It seemed to her not serious_

_And she broke down into to fragments_

_All of uncried tears_

I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I was a mess. I took a last drag in my cigarette, changed into my swim shorts and headed to the top of the boat. I dove from the bow and let my body slice through the icy water smoothly. I opened my eyes and looked into the murky fathoms. I contemplated staying in the water until it froze me and my world went black and I would see Cedric Diggory again. Cedric. I held my breath and went a little deeper. The water didn't feel cold anymore, but I could feel my lungs burning. I thought of what Cedric said to me about bravery and courage, and realized I was about to do one of the hardest things in my life. I kicked my feet and headed up towards the light.

_And lighting up the drunken stars_

_No, it will be so complicated without you_

Fin

* * *

**Author Note:** Yo, this is actually _Lifelike_ chillin' on EoF's page. We're best buds IRL and therefore... I AM HERE.

My dear friend did, actually write the piece. THIS IS HER FIRST SERIOUS FANFICTION, though she does a lot of slashy short stories. :) Her FictionPress account will be up shortly. She wanted me to tell you:

The song used in this fic is called "To Light Up" by a Russian band called Bi-2, or bdva or something. No, neither of us speak Russian, but these are the translated lyrics.

Leave the flames in their fire and come drop a line:D Click it. I dare you.


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